Helping Your Child Discover Their True Self
/“Just Be Yourself!”
“Show them what you’re made of!”
“They’re gonna love you!”
All phrases that we all heard growing up and that some of us have even passed along to our children. Are they true? Are they pieces of advice allowing your student to fully grasp the concepts of “finding one’s truest self” and then “finding the courage to express that”?
Chances are, if you’re asking yourself these questions as a parent, you are on the right track. And there’s no doubt that you know your child. But how do we get them to discover all of their amazing-ness? How can we continue to instill in our children that the greatest minds of ours or any generation, past, present or future are the humans who embraced themselves above all else and then pushed into the world to make their own mark?
Here’s a few ideas:
Tell Them Your Story! Tell your kids about your childhood and how standing in your own power helped you become the person you are today. It’s a vulnerable place to come from, but showing your child that you have insecurities and you over came them by embracing your truest self, will help them understand that they are not alone.
Listen. Yup, here’s the hard one. Just listen. When your child expresses an interest in something, ask them real questions about how they feel when they take part in this interest or hobby. They look to you for your confirmation that their exploration is headed in the right direction. You have so much power to be able to allow them to continue to explore their interests, which will no doubt lead them down the path of self discovery.
How to Find What Lights Your Child Up from the Inside? Easy, try everything. Keep it low pressure. Start with a class or sit in on a class before even signing up. Allow your child to make the decision without your personal opinions. My parents never questioned my love for The Muppets, they simply sat back and watched my eyes widen each Saturday night as I found my love for Vaudeville and comedy, all through the lens of what some might have deemed, just a Puppet Show.
They DO NOT have to be good at it! This is hard one for most parents to grasp. As a Theatre Camp Director, I often hear from parents “She loves singing, but she’s not very good at it.” Of course she’s not. She’s 11 and she hasn’t had any lessons in singing. Also, you, the parent are (most likely) not a singing instructor and shouldn’t judge her talents before she’s even had a chance to develop them. I believe this idea applies to all hobbies, sports, arts, and schooling. It takes 10,000 hours to become and expert at something, let’s give your child more than a semester before we judge their level of skill in any one given area.
Most Importantly: Have Fun! Remember, you’re growing a human. And humans need light and water and food and occasionally, they need to have FUN! They need to know that the thing that is going to help them discover their truest self will be the joy that they are feeling when moving through this world! I always say to the parents of my campers, “When it stops being fun, take a break. Evaluate why the fun has been zapped out of it and if you can put it back in, then continue. If you can’t, then maybe it’s time to have fun with something else.”
Encourage Bravery: This one is easier said than done, I know. Your job as the parent is to protect this amazing child at any cost. And now your child wants to step outside the conventional norms. You worry that they may be teased or bullied and end up hurt. I know. I’ve seen it first hand. You have to trust that these marks on their fragile egos will be the things that prompt them into their best life. Whether your camper “fits in” or “stands out”, help them to understand that “standing up” is the self-defining moment that will inform their character. You know they can do this! They know they can do this! Now, it’s the moment of truth.
Life is about the journey, as we all know, and on the path to finding the destination, parents and campers should work hand in hand to gently take daily steps towards that ultimately wonderful feeling of “knowing who you are!”
Shawn Ryan is the Co-Founding Director of The Young Actors’ Theatre Camp. He’s been inspiring campers for the last 21 years and finds it to be his greatest joy on Earth. (And he hung out with Sia for a weekend, so you know the camp thing has gotta be pretty cool.) The Young Actors’ Theatre Camp is a multi award winning overnight theatre camp in the Santa Cruz Mountains for students ages 8-18 of all levels and interested in the performing arts, on stage and off, in front of the camera and behind it. www.CampYATC.com or Call (925) 858-3548 for more information.
